It begs the question, what is thinking? If thinking is something we do with words and language, then i suppose we aren't quite thinking for ourselves at an early age, because we are learning from adults, the tools of communicating and languaging. Then some teachers along the way instead of answering questions, asked me, "what do you think?" ANd Sasaki Roshi asked me when i was a young man questions like, "how do you manifest buddha as a butterfly?" Then i began the process of learning to think with my whole body and heart and mind, my whole being. Most so called thinking is regurgitated thoughts we have read or heard-to stop and listen, to allow questions and answers to come to us, that is where thinking arises from Source and becomes original.

this moon, resting in the sky
doesn't know me, asks nothing of me
draws me, sings to me

the cat, mews, she thinks she knows:
she does know my patterns.
i will pet her, feed her,
moving now deliberately
and now rushing.

she avoids me when i rush.

three points of light in the window
one, through the window,the moon
two, in the window, soft yellow brown low wattage lamp
three, also in the window, the christmas tree with it's little star

a little too symmetrical, that tree
a pleasant if too perfect reflection

preparing to sing songs for the night
preparing to connect with imaginary beings:
where is the connection that is not a fantasy,
where is the laugh that words can't describe?

and we sail restlessly on a sea of tears
this body of humanity
so many missed connections, dreams shattered
moments of ecstasy, days of confusion

a glimmer of truth
a litany of lies

small lies, no big deal,
usually told first to myself
so inconsequential that i hardly notice.
my storytelling so familiar, like an oldish
uncle reading bedtime stories.

"of course you are a good man
and the sun will rise tomorrow"

and in the midst of the birth pangs of a race
giving birth to itself
the golden age fills the horizon, beckons so seductively

this, this is what we have yearned for
the carols say, "peace on earth,
good will to men!"

this, this, braving the snow on a cold winter's night
to bring fuel and food to the starving and homeless

this, this, stepping outside of ourselves and our narrow survival
and beyond even the dream of love and compassion

this, this, a world of oneness in action
children and chimpanzees rolling a ball to each other

but reaching prematurely for the Dream,
it somehow vanishes, and i am left alone with

this moon. and one other light i missed before,
the red blinking light. What does that one mean,

i wonder? A golden child is being born, the manifestation
of a Dream. But i can't bear to look at the Child,

i prefer instead my own shadows and my own pain.
and i'd rather dream of the Goddess, than dare to

look her in the eyes, for her to see me as i am in truth.
I know, i know
i'm almost there, but whenever i am close

i cry and can't be consoled. It's been a long time

a very very long time.
as old as the moon.

tomorrow the sun, and joy, and ecstasy
outrageous outpouring of love and wild dancing
 
tonight, just me and the moon
everywhere, around the globe

just me
and the moon.

and as the old man said awhile ago,
i must become

the moon.

become

every tear
on every cheek
in this whole jungle of human chimpanzees.

it's then and only then
i will be free of myself.

ah, the moon cries tonight!
ah, the moon cries...
ah, the moon
ah

RIce and beans.
gardens with vegetables.
good water.
appropriate technology.
rehearsing and recording a show
giving attention (love, being present) to people who come into my life
giving attention (love, being present) to machines in my life.
exercise.
Awareness of internal dialogue, without judgement.
Expanding sense of self, flexible boundaries.
No changing the inside, just being. Flowing with the change outside, just doing.
LIstening. Observing.
Gratitude for teachers.
Gratitude for true friends.
Gratitude for parents and family.
Awe and wonder to Be Alive.

watching the corporation....
watching synthetic happiness on TED

simply wanting something other than what is, because we imagine it will make us happy,
drives much of the destructive nature of our species.
poor bloke cooking beans by a fire in the woods, causes little harm.
content, and not striving for happiness in the least.


the level of toxicity in our world rises, however, to such levels,
and the destructive nature of greed and selfishness,
bring us to the brink of destruction, and cooking beans quietly over a fire, while not adding to the problem,
does not address the situation.
I am motivated to change, not who i am,
but the nature of my activity, and to show up in the world
not as a contemplative, but as a man of action who
is balanced by contemplation.
Whose action is congruent with an understanding
that my own self interest and that of my family
is impacted by all that is going on globally, and
none of us can hide from the storm. That my self
is larger than i imagine.

Change, coming not from tackling situations,
but first accepting what is, and then gently
tickling. The desire to change what is,
is the first and fundamental violence.
If i am lonely and poor and unsuccessful,
i can still be happy.
If i have many friends, money and success,
i can be happy.
No external condition has anything to do with
my happiness.

And There was Light, Lussereyan.


Dogen says,
to be intimate with all things,
is to be enlightened.

In the winter's dark, the sun appears. In the depths of soul, the light of awareness shines.
As individuals we awaken, and see deeper into the mystery of our own depths.
As a human race we awaken, and see deeper into our shadows.
I accept myself as i am, i listen to my inner dialogue.
And accept you as you are, and hold space for you to listen.

We are in the birth canal. It was more comfortable not knowing.
but in the knowing we illuminate everything, and celebrate
our complete connection
and
reunion.

In surrendering to what is as it is,
everything changes naturally.

Step back from trying
and just enjoy the ride!

love to all, may everyone find the peace that belongs to us, as our natural birthright. May we realize the home that is beyond circumstance, and bricks and mortar, in the coming year....